Approaching Normal
by scatteredlight
Summary: AU as of season 3. A story of finding your way back home.
1. Prologue - The End, My Friend

Note: This is a story about regaining things that you'd thought forever lost. It's about doing what's right for you and your family, and finding the strength within to face all the trials and hurts of life. It's an AU as of season three story that features Nathan and Haley finding their way back to one another post-college.

**Approaching Normal**

Prologue – The End, My Friend

We can work it out, except when we can't.

"Nathan!" I called out, hurrying to catch up to him. "Wait up a second!"

He stopped slowly, reluctance written clearly in the tense hold of his shoulders. It took a few seconds longer before he turned to face me, and my heart crumbled a bit more in those painfully naked seconds. "Why? There's nothing to say now, Haley. There's nothing between us, and nothing to say about it."

I blinked at him, pathetically owlish as I stared, unable to comprehend. "But Nathan, we're married, and we have to talk! That's the only way to make things work!"

"It can't work," he said softly. "It won't work for me. This isn't what I want anymore, this marriage. This isn't where I think I should be now, or where I think you should be now. This isn't right."

I gaped silently at him, having no comeback for that. What did you say when someone told you he didn't want you in his life anymore, period? Apparently nothing; you just made the fishface at him. It's just that we've had this conversation so many times now that I didn't know if there was much fight left in me now. Maybe he was right; maybe there wasn't anything left to say or do.

"Say something," he commanded harshly. "Come on, aren't you going to beg me again? Get down on your hands and knees for me? Tell me that it'll be different, better? Say something, Hales!"

I shook my head, taking a deep breath, thinking of all that'd transpired between us. All of my wrongs, and yes, all of his. "I – I don't think that there is anything left to say, Nathan. You've made it painfully clear how you want things, and you've made it even clearer that means that there is nothing I can say."

"I'm not trying to hurt you," he insisted, a little softer this time. "I really don't want that."

Too late, I almost retorted, but I didn't. That wouldn't be fair, all things considered. At the end of the day, I'm still the one who left first, and that apparently counted for everything. It didn't matter who left subsequently, or who cheated and who didn't – it only mattered that I dared to leave. And fine, I can live with that. I hoped. It was not like I'd have a choice now.

"I'm sorry that this is ending in this manner," I said simply. "I love you, Nathan. More than I'll ever love anyone." He opens his mouth to protest, but I keep going. "I love you enough to let you go, if that's what you need."

He blinked in surprise, his mouth dropping open in the barest hint of surprise. "You aren't going to fight with me about this?" he asked, clearly not even trusting that I could do even this right.

"Not anymore," I shrugged, trying to hide the hurt, the devastation, the excruciating break of my heart.

He was clearly nonplussed, and as I opened my mouth to tell him I've changed my mind, that I will fight, forever, he nodded with a finality that shatters me. "That's good, it'll make it easier that way."

Choking back a sob, I nodded, trying to keep a brave face on. The last thing I needed right now was for him to see me break down. "Good luck, Nathan Scott," I whispered, biting my lower lip. "I hope you get everything you ever wanted. You deserve that."

"You too, Haley James," he nodded, managing a small smile. "You – whatever good I do, it'll be because of you. I hope you know that, know how much that will mean to me."

I didn't, not anymore, but I nod as if I did, holding my hand out to him. He took it in his, surprising me by using it to pull me to him. As I wrapped my arms around him, I let the tears flow, pouring out a tiny fraction of the grief and loss this was causing in me.

My husband was leaving Tree Hill to spend his last year of high school at a private school in Raleigh that featured an elite basketball program. And he wanted to leave as a single man.

"Maybe someday," he whispered over his shoulder as he went.

"No," I disagreed, knowing that he didn't mean it. Not even believing it myself. "We had our chance, but we blew it." He didn't contradict that, didn't offer up someday as a tantalizing promise of hope again.

Because someday was a pipe dream, a promise not intended to be kept. Another cheap way out.

I knew better than to believe in 'someday'.

But I still couldn't deny him his way out. I never could deny him much of anything.


	2. Days of Reckoning

Note: This is a story about regaining things that you'd thought forever lost. It's about doing what's right for you and your family, and finding the strength within to face all the trials and hurts of life. It's an AU as of season three story that features Nathan and Haley finding their way back to one another post-college.

Thank you kindly for reading and leaving your thoughts.

**Approaching Normal**

Chapter One – Days of Reckoning

Leaving was hard. Going back was Hell.

"You really haven't been back to your hometown since you were seventeen?" Chelsea gaped at me, surprise clearly written all over her pixie-ish, young face.

"Didn't you know that? Oh, Chels, I know you know that! Anyway, why is it such a shock?" I smiled, my attention more on the suitcase I was packing than on her. "My parents don't live there anymore, and you know Peyton is here and Luke in Austin. They are the only people from Tree Hill I even keep in much contact with, so there really isn't much there for me."

"Yeah, but come on," she said practically. "You must have a friend or two there still. I mean, you know that Mariah and Ali are my best friends, but next year when I'm at Stanford – "

"Thanks to me," I interrupted gleefully, seriously proud of the work we'd done together. She was my greatest tutoring result ever, even better than him.

"Yeah, yeah, thanks to you," she grinned, ever indulgent of my self-praise, "But don't interrupt, it's rude!"

"Okay, you have my undivided attention, and I shall forsake all urges to interrupt."

"'Bout time you shut your big mouth," she gloated, laughing when my jaw dropped open. "Sorry, I'm just kidding, Hay! Anyway, next fall, when I'm at Stanford and Mar is still here going to LBCC and Ali is in Tempe for school, I'll still visit here. Come back and see my teachers, see you. People who matter, even if they aren't my best friends, you know?"

I smiled, trying to keep the bitter out of the bittersweet part of it. "And I'm really happy that you have those people, Chels. I didn't, though. That's all there is to it."

"You're telling me you had no one, not one single person in that town besides your parents, Lucas, and Peyton? Now, you know I like Luke and Peyt a lot, but come on, you can't tell me Luke was the coolest guy in that town."

The laugh I let escape could not be helped. "You only say that because I told you about the dorky games we used to play on the roof of his mom's café," I argued blandly. "But no, Luke wasn't the coolest guy ever. But he was the best friend I could ask for."

She stared at me, and I knew she didn't believe that was the whole story, not even for a second. She was right, of course. There was so much more to it, but she was eighteen, and she didn't need to be bogged down with the minor tragedies and disappointments and follies of my life.

"I know about all that rock star mumbo jumbo – and I still say R&B and rap are way better – but I just don't believe that's all there was to it. You had to have left for more than that, why else come all the way across the country for college? I'll find out all about your sordid past someday, Haley Scott," she warned with a twinkle in her warm and pretty dark eyes. "Even if that someday is the day I become a premier criminologist."

I rolled my eyes at her. "And we both know that if you wanted, you could find out now. But you have too much love and respect for me."

"What can I say?" she giggled, before sobering again. "Isn't it going to be weird going back? I mean, if you haven't been back there in four years, it seems like it'd be awkward. Uncomfortable."

"Maybe," I shrugged, not sure who I was trying to convince with my painstaking indifference. "I don't know. I guess it will be weird to go to Karen's Café after all these years."

"That's where you worked, right?"

"Yeah, all through high school," I smiled. "That place was like my second home. You'd like Karen, Luke's mom. I wish you could meet her. Maybe one day I can talk her into coming out here to visit."

"Yeah, but I'll be gone," she pointed out, sighing. "So it'll have to be over a holiday or at least a three day weekend, okay?"

"Yeah," I agreed. "I can't believe you're going to be up in Palo Alto soon."

She started cracking up. "Remember when I didn't even know where Palo Alto was? I have lived here my whole life, and I had no idea. Of course, I was so pathetic, I wouldn't have even been able to spell it, so…"

"Okay, you were never, ever pathetic. And, well, we've both learned a lot in the last four years. Have I told you how much I'm going to miss you in the fall?"

"I'll miss you, too, Haley. And you don't have to worry about me too much. If I need to be busted out of the clink again, you're only a bit down the highway."

"Oh, my God, bite your tongue or I'll call your grandmother and let her be the one to bail you out if the need arises, which I swear, missy, it better not!"

"You wouldn't do that, and we both know it," she smirked, and I wondered for the thousandth time if perhaps one of the reasons I was so dearly attached to her was that she reminded me of Nathan. Not in every way, but she had that cockiness, that attitude where she knew she was good at things, and she was willing to let the world know she knew. Nathan had that, too. Maybe he still did, for all I knew.

But I shut those thoughts off, and I giggled at her, knowing she's right. "Well, I'll call her and tell her about that 'B' you keep getting on these practice calc tests, see what she says about that."

"I'm soft."

"Oh, au contraire, you're the toughest person I've ever met," I assured her, meaning it. Chelsea was born in the projects of East LA to a drug dealing sixteen year old. In what probably turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to her, her mother relinquished custody of her to her grandmother. She toiled in public schools for years, always one incident away from being kicked out until she wound up in an art class Peyton was assisting in to fulfill graduation requirements for her teaching program one summer.

Peyton recognized her near genius aptitude right away, and dragged me out to meet her about possibly becoming her tutor. Four years ago when she came into my life, she was a high school freshman while I was starting my freshman year at USC, having given up the dream of Stanford, but having at least made it out to California. To say she came into my life at the perfect time would be an understatement – I called it divine intervention; Peyton called it a 'Peytervention'. And demanded I thank her for it regularly, which I try to do.

My life was an undeniable mess at the time, and I was further adrift than I'd ever thought possible. I was young, a slightly credible singer-songwriter, jaded – and recently divorced. That last one was the kicker. I married my high school sweetheart when I was sixteen, him a worldly seventeen. It seemed like a lifetime ago in some ways now, but in others I didn't feel more than a day removed from all the heartbreak that entailed.

But Chelsea, although the most difficult person I'd ever met, gave me something to look forward to. A challenge, someone who needed me. Someone to whom I had things to give. I gave up one dream to chase after another only to have that door slammed in my face, and Chels gave me focus. And I helped her find and obtain her dream.

Now, she was more than just a tutee, she was a friend. She was a little sister. And she was an inspiration, too. Chelsea had done more in her eighteen years than most people even dared to dream about. Her accomplishments were so astounding, made only more so by where she came from, her circumstances. And to know that I played a part, no matter how small, was gratifying.

"You'll tell me someday, about all of it. Life in Tree Hill, who you left behind," she smiled confidently. "Okay, I have to go. Gram is having some of my aunties and uncles over for dinner tonight. She told me to remind you that she will skin you alive if you miss the graduation party."

"I wouldn't miss it for the world," I promised, smiling widely at her, shaking off the more morose thoughts. "Hey, you know I'm really proud of you, right?"

She leaned across the suitcase to throw her arms around me. "Yeah, I know. And I'm proud of you, too. And grateful."

"I know, kid. I'll see you soon. If not before, definitely at the ceremony next Friday, okay?"

"Pinky swear?" she asked, holding hers out for me to hook into.

"Pinky swear," I confirmed, grinning at her. "Have a fun last week of high school. It only happens once, right?"

"And I'm not even a little sorry about that!" she laughed, giving me another hug before turning and running out of the room.

Sighing, I leaned back on the bed beside the open suitcase. I hated packing – thank goodness this was going to be a very brief trip, and I didn't need very much. Well, brief in length, but I doubted there would be any brevity to the drama I'd encounter. It was probably a good thing that Peyton was coming, too, if only to keep me sane.

There were a million reasons I hadn't been back to Tree Hill since the day after my own high school graduation. The most prominent was probably the simple fact that I couldn't face the memories. The good or the bad. I didn't want to walk by the dock where Nathan and I got to know each other or past the apartment complex where we made our home. I didn't want to go into Karen's Café and see his mother behind the counter, gossiping with Karen over how great he was doing. I didn't want to walk through the parking lot of the high school, and see spot 54 where I caught him in our little beater car straddled by a shirtless Brooke Davis.

There were some things a girl just didn't need to relive, you know?

Maybe that was the breaking point, the point where I was able to stop fighting. Stop fighting for someone who didn't need or want me to fight for them. Maybe it was the impetus for me to begin living my own life, and figure out where I belonged on my own. It wasn't what I wanted or needed, but it was what I got, and I managed to make it work.

So why was I so afraid to go back? It couldn't just be a fear of reliving memories. I relived some of them every day here. Memories were always with you. No one ever talked about it, but I knew he wasn't in Tree Hill. In fact, it had probably been even longer since he'd been back. I didn't know what it was, really. Maybe going back and facing it all would be good for me. Maybe it'd let me learn to move on and let go completely. Do what three thousand miles and one thousand four hundred and sixty days hadn't done for me.

The phone rang, and I grabbed it from its perch on the bedside table, barely even glancing at the caller ID display. "Hello, Haley James, this is your life!" Peyton's voice boomed through the receiver.

"Hey Peyt, where are you?" I asked, yawning. "You were supposed to be here a half hour ago. Chels is pissed at you for forgetting her."

"I didn't forget her," she grumbled into the phone. "I was late. Held up. Department meeting. Apparently, the art department can't have a graduation party without art being contributed by all of us graduating seniors. Stupid, crap state school."

"You love your stupid, crap state school, despite the fact that you picked the lamest one on this coast," I reminded her, laughing. She ended up at UCLA by default, in a way, and bitched about it every chance she got. Of course, no one who spent three years on the cheer squad really hated their school.

"Har har," she muttered, sighing deeply. "I really don't want to go back to Tree Hill. Can I bail on you?"

"Peyton! It's your childhood home we're cleaning out!" I reminded her in exasperation. Like I was really chomping at the bit to get back there. If anything, I was a thousand times less into this than she was.

"Maybe we can put it off," she suggested hopefully. "Your graduation was just last night, and mine was only last Friday. I'm sure we could say we need to stay for celebrations or something."

I rolled my eyes, even though I knew she was only half serious. "We're the ones we'd have to make our excuses to," I pointed out. "Come on, Peyt. Let's just get out there, get this over with, and get back here. Maybe you can use the trip to talk Luke into moving out here with you."

She scoffed at that. "Whatever. At this point, I'm thinking he's had like a cowboy hat welded to his head or something. Like he's become Texas-ified to the point where he knows he'd get his ass kicked out here. He's totally assimilated! Why else would he like it there so much?"

"Because it's funky, fun, smart, young, and hip?" I suggested, knowing that she liked it in Austin just as much as Luke and I did. "It's a nice place to go to college. Not that I'm encouraging a move, but it's probably a place that little Ms. Art Student – I mean you – would really love."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," she muttered, letting loose a little scream of frustration. "Okay, sorry."

"Don't worry about it," I sighed, knowing she was feeling the stress of going back as much as I was. "It is okay, Peyt. Don't freak over this, you and Luke will be fine being back there."

There was a knock on the door, and a second later, it opened to reveal Peyton flipping her phone shut. "Oh, you are home," she teased, flopping down in the over-stuffed arm chair in the corner, the one luxury I have in the small one bedroom apartment. "Ugh, I'm just nervous. Luke and I do so well out of there, and I'm just afraid that if we go back, things will implode."

"Like Tree Hill is your kryptonite," I suggested softly, my mind half on my own troubles. Hey, that'd be how the selfish live. Mind always on ourselves.

"I wouldn't put it like that," she shrugged, "But it works, I guess. Maybe I don't want to chance it. I know that's superstitious, but I just don't want to chance things when they're so good for us."

"I don't blame you," I smiled at her, and I really didn't. Maybe a part of me thought it sucked that she and Luke managed to find their way back to each other, but only in the selfish terms in which I didn't get that myself. So yeah, I was just jealous sometimes.

"I'm sorry," she sighed, sincere sympathy on her face. "For dragging you back there, for making you go through it all. I can't tell you how much it means that you're coming with me."

"Funny how we share some of the same demons," I smirked as my way of absolving her. "Maybe this time if we run into her, I'll have the wits about me to be the one to hit her. That would be nice, don't you think?"

Peyton laughed aloud, "She'd never see it coming, Hales. When I hit her at graduation, she knew it was coming. She didn't know when or where, but she knew I'd get her at some point. But she'd never think you'd bother – you could really catch her off-guard."

"Well, I'm sure she isn't even in Tree Hill anymore," I shrugged, as if I'd go after her if she was – so not my style. "So it's probably a moot point."

"Actually," she sighed, rubbing her temples wearily, "My dad said he saw her a couple of months ago. She cornered him in the frozen food section at the market. Had the nerve to ask how I was doing, how you were doing."

"And you're just telling me now?"

"No, well, yeah, but I just found out yesterday when my dad and I were talking. Told me I should check on her and see how she's doing. Whatever that means."

"Well, he just doesn't know what she did to you, how she went after Luke." What she did to me, I could add, but didn't. I didn't have to; Peyton knew.

"Yeah, well, that was the least of her sins, huh?" See? Peyton knew. "Anyway, she's really the last person either of us wants to talk about, so can we change subject already? How excited is Chels for graduation?"

"Pretty damn excited, but not half as much as me or Grams."

Peyton laughed. "I can't believe she's got you calling her Grams, too. That cracks me up every time I hear it."

I smiled. "Well, they're like family to me now, both Chelsea and Mrs. Johnson. It's only right I call her that, too."

"Whatever," she teased. "Seriously, though, you know how much they both adore you, right? Mrs. J. was complaining last week when I showed up for dinner without you. And Chels, well, I still can't believe how much of a difference you've made for her. She'd be God knows where now if it wasn't for you."

"Let's not think about that," I shuddered. "We're all here, and we're all doing okay. And Chels is better than okay."

She nodded, looking thoughtful. "So, when we come back, will you finally go out with Chad?"

Ah, Chad. The unquestionably hot and surprisingly intelligent just graduated quarterback of the UCLA Bruins football team. Peyton knew him through cheerleading, and had been trying to set me up with him since our sophomore year of college. I've always said no, even though there might've been a few seconds of temptation here and there. Okay, a few minutes – hey, he was really hot.

"Why would you think I would? Nothing has changed, Peyt. He's still a Bruin, and I'd still probably make him cry if I taunt him how things have gone when he's played us the last couple of years," I tease, prompting her to smack me.

"You wouldn't do that," she scowled. "Besides, you don't even like football!"

"I like it enough to have been a cheerleader for it!" I retorted haughtily. "And that's sort of the point – if I don't like football players enough to have dated any from my own school, why would I date one from yours?"

Yes, I cheered in college. The advisor I was assigned as an incoming freshman was a volunteer for the cheer squad. Basically, she did not want to let go of her youth, I'm thinking. Anyway, she spotted it on my application and bullied me into trying out. Here I was, four years later. Even made co-captain my senior year. Who knew the Tree Hill spaz could get to that point, right?

"Whatever," she scoffed. "You barely even like cheering! And besides, Chad Hendricks is way cuter than any of the fug-squad your school fielded, thank you very much."

I laughed at that, rolling my eyes. "You're insanely immature. And blind," I teased her. "But mostly insane. We have a way hotter team than you guys do! Chad might be the hottest of the whole bunch, but still! We get the better people in general, so what can I say?"

She laughed with me, shaking her head. "Do you think anyone in Tree Hill would've pictured that you and I would end up here like this? In California, at rival schools, both on the cheer squads?"

"They'd have choked on their basketballs seeing you as a cheerleader again," I giggled, ducking to avoid the pillow she winged at me. "Face it, you made a big, old deal about how much you hated cheering, and everyone knew you were only doing it for Brooke. When that ended, it stood to reason that you'd stop cheering, too."

"And I did!"

"For a year!"

"So what? That totally counts! A year is time off, time spent quitting and not being a cheerleader! So there!"

"That doesn't count! Just like a junkie, you started again!"

She howled with laughter at that, and I joined in. When the banging from below – usually the business end of a broom handle – began, we both started laughing even louder. Mrs. Z would have to just deal, especially since I'd be gone for a few days.

"Okay, let's get out of here before she figures out new ways to be irritating with that broom," I suggested, hastily shoving the rest of my stuff into my suitcase.

"That's all you're bringing?" she asked in surprise. "You brought more when you went to away games!"

I shrugged, not too worried about it. "I'll borrow stuff from you," I suggested. "You still have clothes there, right?"

"You'll swim in them!" she laughed. "Everything will be about six inches too long for you, and when you're tripping all over the place, you're going to blame me!"

Rolling my eyes, I picked up the suitcase. "Let's just go, smarty pants. I'd rather get this over with, and that means not missing the plane."

"Hey, if you don't want to go, you really don't have to," she assured me. "I can do this with just Luke."

"No, it is fine," I told her. "It's not bad, facing your demons, you know? Maybe this will be really good for me, for you, too."

"If I can convince Luke to move out here, it will definitely be a good thing," she noted practically, the smile easing back onto her face. "Otherwise, it might be kind of a bust."

I rolled my eyes, but nodded. Their ongoing game of what basically amounted to tug-of-war could get downright tedious a lot of the time, but I did understand why each wanted the other to be the one to bend. Luckily for Peyton, I thought Luke was about ready to give in and offer to move out here with her. Selfishly, I hoped that was the case. It would definitely work out best for me.

"Hopefully now that you've both graduated, you can figure things out. Maybe compromise and move to Kansas or something," I teased her. "You'd both look so cute with overalls and braids in your hair!"

"Shut up," she groused good-naturedly. "If that's the compromise, I'll tell him that I'll suck it up and move to Austin with him!"

I grabbed my bag. "Hey, Peyt?"

"Yeah?" she asked as she jumped up and headed to the door.

"How come you won't move to Austin? I know you love it there, and they have that funky, young art scene that you'd fit right in with."

She blinked in surprise as she grabbed my purse and carry-on. "Um, I don't know, I guess I like it here a lot. You know, the sun, my friends, the sun…"

"If you're staying here because of me, I'll murder you in your sleep tonight," I threatened her. "Come on, tell me that I'm not the reason you're staying here, that you don't think you have to take care of me or something. I'm fine, you know I'm fine." It was not entirely the truth, and the selfish part of me didn't mean it at all, but it needed to be said.

"Well, yeah, of course you're part of the reason, Haley! You're my best friend, and I adore you. Of course that's a reason I want to stay here and not move to Austin. But it isn't because I think you couldn't survive without me. I'm not quite that vain."

"Okay, good," I smiled, relieved. After what happened with Nathan, and the role that Brooke played into how things finally ended, a tiny part of me always wondered if that didn't play into how close Peyton and I had become. Well, I supposed it would have to, at least in some sense, but it had always nagged in the back of my mind that maybe she felt responsible for Brooke, and this was her way of making it up to me. Maybe that wasn't giving myself enough credit, but times like this, I know it was more than that.


	3. There is No Beginning

**Chapter Two – **_**There is No Beginning**_

_Some things never change, except the ones you wish wouldn't._

We loaded up Peyton's car with my bags, and headed for the airport. We chatted about the inconsequential things, the little things of every day life like how excited Chelsea was for college, and ignore the giant, looming things like going back to Tree Hill. Like the possibility of running into Brooke or anyone else neither of us had any kind of a desire to ever see again. It was like we could sweep those things under the rug, and pretend like they didn't exist, even when they're staring us in the face.

The entire plane ride, layover included, was the same. No talk about anything Tree Hill, not even Luke. Just chattering on and on about how much it sucked that school was over for Peyton, and in some ways just beginning for me. She already had a job lined up, as an art therapist for mentally disabled children at an elementary school in the inner city, and I'd be back at USC for medical school. Life marched on.

When we landed, both of us released shaky breaths and then looked at each other and laughed. Despite the overwhelming paranoia both of us had about this, the fear that something would happen to upset the balances we'd found for our lives, each of us saw that this unnatural fear of a place was silly and ridiculous. We both knew it, but neither of us could really accept it.

As we sped towards town, with me driving the rental car in a rare showing of magnanimity when it came to cars, Peyton took a deep breath of the heavy Carolina air. "Sometimes I forget Brooke isn't my best friend anymore."

"And sometimes I forget Luke isn't mine," I noted.

"What?" she screeched loudly, outraged. No sure if that was on his behalf, or her own. "If it isn't Luke, who is it?"

"You, dumbass!"

"Don't call me names, I want an answer!"

"You comma dumbass," I laughed. "It's you, Peyt. Come on, you know I love Luke, and that he'll always be my go-to guy for some things. But you've been there for me every day the last four or so years. You're my best friend, you're the one who knows everything about me, everything I want and wish for and miss and regret. Plus, who else could keep me sane all the while driving me completely insane?"

She sniffed and awed. "You're mine, too."

"Yeah, thanks. I managed to figure that much out," I smiled, shrieking when she threw her arms around me. "Hey, driving here!"

"Sorry, sorry," she mumbled, not sorry at all. "See, I think maybe this is going to be better than either of us planned." I threw her a dubious look. "No, really!"

"How the hell do you figure?"

"Face the demons, bury the past, insert your own colloquialism here."

"Very nice," I chuckled, but it dies on my lips as I slowed the car as we approached the town. Peyton fell silent, too, taking in the water tower that she and I had painted one night when she overheard Brooke talking about how she was going to go after Luke, regardless of the promises she had made to Peyton. It was a sign of solidarity against Brooke, and we were practically inseparable ever since that night.

"Okay, I was wrong. It is way weird to be back," she said in a near-whisper. "Too damn weird for words."

I nodded, having nothing to add to that. I unconsciously slowed the car even further as we passed the high school and then the river court, both of us sucking in hasty breaths of air at the sight of the abandoned court.

"God," she muttered, closing her eyes as I eased the car onto the street the café was on. "This is hard, Hales."

"Yeah, it really is," I agreed, the memories pulsing through me with aching speed. I parallel parked on the street, and we both sat in the car, staring at the bright green awning above the door. "I guess we should go in."

"Probably," she agreed reluctantly, but neither of us moved even a muscle.

Choking out a laugh, I opened the door. "Let's just stop being ridiculous and go in there. What's the worst that could happen, right?"

She sighed, getting out, too. We walked in together, huddled close enough that we ended up linking arms to keep from knocking into one another. In true 'worst nightmare' fashion, Deb Scott was behind the counter, laughing as she poured coffee for a customer.

"We can go, they haven't seen us," Peyton whispered hastily. "We'll call Luke and tell him to come over to the house."

"No, it's okay," I assured her, even though I was not sure it was. "I'm not afraid of her."

"Never thought you were," she grinned, swinging my arm in hers. "Hey, Lucas Scott! Get your porcupine head over here and give me a kiss!"

I rolled my eyes laughing. He looked up, a huge grin on his face as he made his way over to us. She was in his arms before she could even say 'hi', and feeling a tiny bit like an intruder, I made my way over to Karen, who welcomed me with open arms.

"Haley, look at you!" she smiled, a little watery as tears filled her eyes. "You look beyond gorgeous, honey! How are you, how was graduation? When does med school start?"

"Let her breathe, Mom!" Luke joked from behind, hooking his arm over my shoulder. "Hey buddy, I missed you."

"I just saw you in Austin on Spring Break," I reminded him tartly, gratefully taking the cup of coffee Karen slid my way before greeting Peyton much the same way she greeted me. "That was practically last month."

He just smiled benignly at me. "Still too long. Should've chosen a med school in Texas, that's where it's at."

"I talked to Lydia this morning," Karen beamed at me. "She said that both of you had lovely graduation ceremonies, and that you both got tons and tons of cheers from your classmates."

"Well, we're pretty," Peyton grinned. "And blonde."

Luke rolled his eyes. "That's very important in California, right?"

"Oh, right," I grinned. "There's actually a good story behind me being this blonde. We'll have to tell it tonight when we're cleaning."

Karen shook her head. "Let me guess, I don't even want to know, right?"

"No, it's not bad, not really," Peyton interjected. "But we have more important things to do here. Like pie."

"Okay, apple for Haley, pecan for Peyton. Coming right up." Before she could even turn, Deb was sliding the plates across the counter towards us. "Oh, thank you, Deb."

"You're welcome. I just thought you girls looked hungry. I know the in-flight meals aren't quite what they used to be, after all." She swung her glance my way. "How are you, Haley? You really do look lovely."

"Oh, I'm doing well, thanks," I managed to smile at her, despite the overwhelming awkwardness I was feeling. "I'm really looking forward to starting med school in the fall."

"Karen told me about that. Congratulations. Your parents must be so proud of you," she sighed wistfully. "I think that's just wonderful."

"Um, thank you," I smiled, a little less forced this time. "I've wanted to be a doctor since forever, so this is pretty thrilling for me."

"I bet," she grinned. "Well, it's lovely to see you again. Both of you."

"Thanks," Peyton and I answered in unison.

We made small talk after that, catching up on their lives and them on ours. It was relaxing and fun and I actually had such a good time that I forgot where I was for a bit. The heaviness of Tree Hill abated for awhile, and the relief was wonderful. We stayed there for a few hours, Peyton and Luke flirting and kissing, Karen and I talking. Even though it had been less than twenty four hours since I'd seen her, it made me miss my own mother even more.

"Okay, we should get going," I sighed to Peyton and Luke, unsurprisingly not eager to start cleaning up and packing someone else's house, especially knowing that this would be hard on Peyton. I remembered how upset I was when I helped my parents go through everything in the house I had grown up in, so at least I sort of knew what was coming for her.

"Yeah," Peyton agreed, sighing a little as she set her coffee cup down. "I guess we should just get a move on and do it, right?"

"Sounds about right," Luke agreed, reaching out to grab Peyt's hand and give it a sympathetic squeeze. "Then again, we could put it off for a day or two? We could hit a bar and relive the good ol' days."

Peyton and I both groaned at the suggestion, shaking our heads as we shot the idea down. "Yeah, because remembering how my former best friend is a big, betraying bitch is just what I wanted to do," Peyton muttered sarcastically, grabbing her purse. "Come on, let's just go get this over with." She glanced around, motioning Karen over when she caught her eye. "You'll come over for dinner tonight or tomorrow, right? I mean, I'll be cooking, so it will actually be edible."

Karen laughed heartily at that, knowing exactly what kind of disasters Luke and I were in the kitchen. The irony of that was not lost on anyone; that Peyton, the one who grew up without a domestically inclined parent after her mom died would be the best cook of us, was something of a joke between the three of us. Well, it was a joke to Peyton, and Luke and I let her get away with it once in awhile.

"I'll definitely be there, but probably not before seven. Things have been busy here, and the waitress called in sick. I don't want to leave Deb here while it's still busy."

"Oh, don't worry," Deb told her as she passes by. "I'll be fine. And if I'm not, I'll just drag my lazy – " She cut herself off abruptly, coughing to cover the pause. "Well, I'll get help in here if I need it."

Peyton and I stared at her blankly, but Luke and Karen shifted uncomfortably. Luke pasted a huge smile on his face before turning to usher us out. As he pushed us towards the door, he held his hand to his mouth, making the universal boozer signal. I couldn't help but stiffen in surprise – and maybe a touch in doubt. She seemed so…fine. When we graduated high school, she'd showed up at the ceremony even though Nathan hadn't even finished at Tree Hill High with the rest of us. She'd been drunker than I'd ever seen her, and rumors swirled that she'd been under the influence of more than alcohol, but after embarrassing herself quite thoroughly that day, she'd gotten her act together.

Or so I thought?

Shaking off thoughts of Deb and whatever problems she might have, I allowed Luke to push me gently towards the door as we said our hasty goodbyes to Deb and Karen. Any concern over her flees, and before long, all of my other, more permanent concerns were back as Peyton drove us towards her childhood home. My best friend was looking pastier than usual, and even Luke had pulled his head out far enough to notice how distressed she was getting. He kept asking her over and over how she was, if she'd rather put it off a day, blah blah.

She refused him, though, and we drove the rest of the way to the house in tense silence. When she pulled up and turned off the car, none of us were quick to get out and go inside. Finally, Peyton took a deep breath and turned to share a tremulous smile with us. "Thanks for sitting here with me. I think I'm ready to go in now."

"Okay, let's do this then," I said with as much enthusiasm as I could muster, which considering it was a hot June day in North Carolina and I had to help pack up a house, wasn't much. But at least I tried.

Luke shot me an amused look, but was the first to open his door and climb out of the car. "It looks the same," he noted needlessly, shrugging defensively when Peyt and I looked at each other and cracked up. "What? It does! I don't know, I haven't been here since the night before you left for California, Peyton. I guess it feels like something should've changed in that time."

Thinking on it for a minute, I guess he was not really wrong. Maybe I had that expectation, too. I've changed so much, and I guess a part of me expected that Tree Hill would be different in some obvious, fundamental way as well. So much for that, though. It looked just like it did four years ago. Go figure. But I've changed. Really. Well, probably.

Sighing, I told them just that. "Maybe because we've all changed, it's easy to think Tree Hill would've changed, too. I don't know, I guess it would be easier if it was different, right?"

"Right," Peyton agreed, emphatically nodding her head. "That's exactly right. That everything is the same makes it that much more impossible to avoid our demons. We might actually have to face them."

"Something like that," I giggled, unable to help myself. This time Luke was the one to roll his eyes. Peevishly, I poked him lightly on the chest. "What?"

He shrugged, shaking his head. "You two are so weird. That's all."

Peyton rolled her eyes, handing me my bag out of the trunk. "Whatever. Your mom told us about your cowboy hat collection, Scott. I wouldn't be playing the 'weird' card so early in the day, if you know what I'm saying."

"That is not – well, it's not a collection," he grumbled, inciting laughter from both Peyt and I. "It's – there are only three. That's hardly a collection."

"What are we going to do with you?" I mocked him with a sad look, trying to stop myself from laughing with Peyton. "Really, Luke, three? Are they the big ten-gallon ones? Or the John Wayne ones? Oh, are those the same?"

"Ha," Luke deadpanned, reaching out to throw an arm over my shoulder in a hug. "Although you're an unbelievable brat, I've missed you."

Smiling up at him, I leaned my head on his shoulder. "I missed you, too." Shaking my head to clear it of the sentimentalism that was encroaching on the normal functions of my brain, I gave him a shove towards the house. "Come on, let's go in."

Peyton snickered, getting her key out and opening the front door after setting her bag down on the porch. "I'd forgotten how brilliantly mature the Hales and Luke show is. And I'd forgotten how much I had totally not missed it."

"Hey, you just got treated to it a couple of months ago for spring break," Luke reminded her, dropping a kiss on her cheek.

"That was different," Peyton shrugged. "I think being back in Tree Hill is having a negative effect on your maturity levels. I, on the other hand, appear to be impervious to such juvenileness."

She stopped as she got the door open, drawing in a huge breath as she looked around her. Sheets covered the furniture, and a thin layer of dust covered everything, the particles glinting in the sunlight let in by the open door. Luke and I stepped in beside her, him grabbing her hand and me standing close enough to brush arms and let her know I was there.

"Well, this place is the same, too," she noted blandly, but there's an undercurrent of something else, and the air suddenly felt thick with tension. She took another step into the room, giving herself a little shake before turning to look back at us. "Sorry, I don't mean to be so morose about all this. I just – "

"You're a little bummed about packing up your childhood home," I responded blithely, giving her a sympathetic smile. "It's okay to be upset about it, Peyt."

She nodded. "Yeah, well, we'll see. Maybe it won't be so bad. Then again, considering I haven't been back here in four years, do I really have the right to be upset about anything?"

"Of course!" I insisted. "It's always hard to say goodbye to a part of your childhood." I paused, pulling the sheet off of a loveseat. "Oh, I forgot how awesome some of the furniture is here. You definitely are going to have to ship some of this out to LA."

"Yeah," Luke agreed. "You'll pick out the best things, and the ones that mean the most to you, and we'll get all of those out there. Anything you want."

Peyton smiled gratefully at him, moving into his arms. I immediately felt like a complete third wheel, and backed out of the room and out the front door, sitting down on the porch. Peyton's house wasn't a place I'd spent a whole lot of time, at least until the summer before our senior year. And then I moved into one of the spare bedrooms after Nathan and I broke up, and I guess the rest, as they said, was history.

Breathing deeply, it was almost amazing to me how much even the simple smell of Tree Hill seems to catapult me back in time. I supposed it could be the combination of being back here altogether, but I didn't know. The smell was getting to me. It reminded me of sitting on the steps of our porch with my mother when I was too young to go to school, but the only one young enough not to go. We'd wait together for the rest of them to come home.

It reminded me of playing mini-golf with Luke on the roof of his mother's café, of drowning ourselves with coffee on Sunday mornings after a little too much partying the night before with Peyton. It reminded me of sitting at the river court, flirting with Nathan and offering myself up as a bribe for him to quit playing and take me home. It reminded me of the bribe working, and him pressing me up against the side of the car as we made out.

And it harkened back to finding my husband with another girl in that same car, and friendships ruined, and hearts broken. You had to take the good with the bad, I guessed.

I was not sure how long I'd been out there before the slamming of a neighbor's car door jolts me out of my reverie. Sighing, I stood up and headed back into the house to help Luke and Peyton get things taken care of. All of sudden, the air felt cloying and heavy, like a wool blanket draped over my entire body on the hottest day of summer. I didn't want to be there; I didn't know if I could be there!

"Hales?" Luke asked softly, meeting me in the hallway. "I was just about to drag you in. You doing alright?"

"I don't know," I answered semi-honestly. "This is harder than I thought it would be. Easier in some ways, but a lot harder in others."

He nodded his understanding, taking a deep breath. "I should tell you something, that I don't know if you'll want to know." Instinctively, I tensed up, waiting for whatever blow he was about to rain down on me. "Nathan is in town. That's – that's who Deb was referring to having help at the café earlier. Nathan."

Oh. Well, that was not something I was expecting. Or wanting. Shoot, what was I supposed to do with that kind of knowledge? Hopefully this wasn't Luke's deluded way of encouraging me to find Nathan, because that wasn't going to happen under any circumstances. Or maybe it was his way of warning me to hole up in some dark room of the house and refuse to leave for any reason? Seriously, that was definitely the better option.

"Okay," I managed to say with a calm I was definitely not feeling. "What am I supposed to do with that knowledge?"

"Nothing," he shrugged. "Everything. I don't know, Haley. It just seemed unfair for you not to know, and if something happened and we ran into him, you'd have had my head. I personally haven't seen him, but from what Mom says, he's back now. I just didn't want you to be unprepared if we bumped into him."

I nodded, rolling my eyes. "Right, so this is about covering your own behind. Nice, Luke. That's really great. And hey, you put a pretty decent spin on it, so kudos to you."

He let out a huff of displeasure. "Knock it off. You know that isn't what I meant, and I sort of resent you implying it was."

Feeling my irritation with him drain away, I reached out and laid a hand on his arm. "Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry. I guess I am just a little taken aback by that little bit of news."

"It's fine," he dismissed immediately, looping an arm over my shoulder and guiding me towards the stairs. "Look, Peyton is up there. Talk to her." I glanced up at him, blinking in surprise. "What? I know that she's the one you'll want to talk to. I'm not stupid, Hales. Well, not all of the time, anyway."

"Rarely," I laughed, leaning my head on his shoulder. "I would prefer to talk to Peyton about this, though. It's not, I mean, it has nothing to do with you or me or you and me."

He nodded again, chuckling quietly at my babbling explanation. "It's cool. Things are different, and she's your go-to now. I get it, and I understand."

He was letting me off the hook, and I should be grateful for that, I suppose. But there was this encroaching guilt that was sort of taking prominence over the gratefulness. Realistically, I knew there was nothing to feel guilty about – people change, and they don't always change together. That's what happened with Luke and me; in some ways, we were probably lucky to still be as close as we were.

"I feel like a jerk," I sighed, picking at a tiny ball of lint pilled on the edge of my tank top. "We always said that it would always be us against the world, and I feel like I didn't hold up my end of that very well."

"Don't," he commanded softly. "Don't feel bad. Look, it happens. Did I figure that it would? No, of course not. But that doesn't mean anyone did anything wrong, right?"

I shrugged, suddenly tired. "I don't know, maybe I did do something wrong. Come on, Luke. You're not at all mad that I'm closer to Peyton now?"

He shook his head. "It makes me sad, sometimes, but I'm not mad. Come on, you are two of my favorite people in the world. What's to be mad about?"

"It hurts when things change sometimes," I offered, thinking painful thoughts of Nathan. "And it hurts even worse when someone changes on you. Or you change on them."

"Sometimes," he agreed with a knowing smile. "But sometimes maybe it is just something to be happy about or proud of. I'm glad you and Peyt have each other out there, and I'm even happier that you're so close. Maybe it makes it easier knowing it is her, but I don't view it as a bad thing."

"Is it weird for you at all, being back here, I mean?" I asked, abruptly changing the subject (sort of). "You know how weird it is for me and Peyt, but you never really say much about how it is for you."

Glancing down at the floor, he shrugged. "It's weird. I think that's mostly because you and Peyton aren't here, though. Well, you usually aren't. But it isn't…I don't know, I have bad memories, I mean, Dan and all that, but I don't feel like I lost everything here the way you two do."

Is that it? Is it the sense of loss that makes me feel so very ill at ease here? It makes a twisted sort of sense, I suppose. This is where I lost Nathan, at least in the tangible sense. The truth was, of course, that I'd probably lost him months before that not long after I'd left, when I was in some dingy hotel room in some small city or town that I wouldn't even recognize now by sight. But this is where I was when things became final, and maybe that's what I still feel now.

"I guess that makes sense," I offered with a nod. Maybe Luke still knows me better than I'd thought. "So, Nathan is really in Tree Hill right now? I figured he'd leave and never look back?"

"Nathan?" Luke blinked, comfortingly not phased by yet another change of subject. "Yeah, he's here. Mom says he comes home a lot, that he has all through college."

"Oh," I said stupidly. "Is he – why does he come back? Is he seeing someone here or something?"

A funny look crossed Luke's face, an unhealthy cross between a grimace and blatant curiosity, before he shook his head in the negative. "No. I guess he doesn't, um, date much, which I only know because it bothers Deb that he won't commit to more than drunken debauchery with a girl since – "

"Since me," I finished for him when he broke off abruptly. "So, what? I broke him, is that what you're getting at? Is that what everyone thinks?" Okay, so I was a touch defensive, it was not like I didn't have reason, right?

Luke rolled his eyes, snorting back a laugh. "Jeez, someone is a little self-involved, huh? California mess with your head much? Come on, Hales. Do you really think anyone blames you for whatever mess Nathan has made of his personal life? Really, he just got back on the path he'd spent most of his life cavorting down before you two got together. Maybe that's just who he is."

I didn't believe that. Even now, after all these years, I didn't believe that, not even for a single second. That was not who Nathan Scott was, and it shouldn't be who he believed himself to be. And I, well, I should not be bothered by it, but there we were.

"He isn't," I whispered, squeezing my eyes shut as the now-painful memories washed over me. "That isn't who Nathan is."

"Why are you talking about him?" Peyton asked sharply, standing at the top of the stairs. "Did you bring him up, Lucas Eugene Scott?"

We both blinked up at her for a minute before dissolving into laughter at her use of Luke's full name. "It isn't what you think, Peyt," Luke chuckled, sobering when he earned himself another glare from his girlfriend. "Look, I just wanted to warn her that he's in town. That's the only reason I bothered to bring him up." He looked between the two of us. "Well, I think we're going to need more boxes than what I brought over last week. I'll run to the café and see if Mom has any, and if not, I'll see if I can scrape any up elsewhere."

Distractedly, I nodded my agreement. All of a sudden, I didn't want to talk to Peyton about this. It wasn't like this would be the first time we've had conversations about Nathan. In fact, I could already hear her scolding me for even sparing a thought for him. It was fair, I knew it was, after all the tears and whining and boohoo-ing I'd done on her shoulders over the years. But it still wasn't particularly fun.

"Do I even have to say it?" she asked wearily, starting down the stairs. Sighing, I started climbing them, and when we met in the middle, we sat down next to each other. "Okay, so I don't. Are you okay knowing he's probably five minutes away?"

"Sure," I nodded eagerly, glad to reassure someone, if not myself, that Nathan's proximity didn't have the least bit of effect on me.

"Haley," she sighed in warning, wrapping an arm around my shoulder. "Don't give me the 'I'm fine' spiel. You know I'm not dumb enough – or boy enough – to fall for that."

"What am I supposed to be then?" I wondered somewhat rhetorically. "I don't know what I am, okay? Knowing that he's here doesn't really make a difference. Being back here is enough of a reminder of all things Nathan as it is, and frankly, even if he somehow found out I was here, it's not like he'd stop by to say hi." Or declare his undying love for me after professing his previous mistake in ending our marriage and begging for my forgiveness. Not that I wanted that or even thought about it. Much.

No, I didn't want it at all. I couldn't, I just couldn't afford to right now. Too many things were changing and life was moving way too quickly for me to indulge in the luxury of missing something that I hadn't had for years and wishing for things I'd never have again.

She gave me a bland look, drawing her shoulders up in a helpless shrug. "I'm sorry that I dragged you back here. If I'd thought for even a second that he'd be here, I wouldn't have pestered you into coming with."

"It's no more your fault than it is mine or Luke's – well, maybe it is Luke's a little bit," I smirked, eliciting a small peal of laughter from her. "Look, like I said, I won't see him, so it isn't that big of a deal. It really isn't. It doesn't make it harder, nor does it make it easier."

"'Nor'?" she laughed. "God, you're such a dork sometimes."

"Hey!" I protested laughingly, ramming her shoulder lightly with my own. "That was uncalled for! Sue me for having an English minor!"

"You sure you're okay?" she asked quietly. "It's okay if you aren't. I mean, I'm not really okay knowing that Brooke is in town, and could just pop over any time she wanted. And with her, you never know if she'll want to or not."

Repressing a shudder at the thought of Brooke Davis turning up on the doorstep, I rolled my eyes at her. "So if she does, I punch her, and that's that. Taking out the trash and all that."

We laughed together, staying on the steps chatting until Luke got back, his arms laden with boxes. He raised an eyebrow inquiringly, but wisely refrained from commenting on our lack of packing. After he tossed them to the ground, he glanced back up at us. "There's a new club in town. First one since Tric closed. Feel like going out?"

Oh, he asked it so casually, like it was a normal Saturday night. As if we hadn't flown across the country for the sole purpose of packing up Peyton's childhood home. God, he'd always been dense, but this….

"Yes!" Peyton enthused, jumping up. "Yes, that's exactly what we should do." I actually snorted in disbelief, amazingly enough. "Oh, come on, Haley! We're young and free from school for the first time in four years, and it's a Saturday night! And frankly, I'm not quite ready to box up my entire childhood, so let me procrastinate for just one night."

"What happened to get in, get out, nobody gets hurt?" I whined, knowing that they were going to gang up on me and guilt me into going. "I thought we were going to pack and go, Peyt!"

"Well," she sighed, sticking her lower lip out in an obnoxious pout, "We could do that, or we could reward ourselves for our years of hard work culminating in our graduating from college?"

Rolling my eyes, I shrugged tensely. I didn't want to go out in Tree Hill. I didn't even want to be in Tree Hill, so why would I want to go out here under the pretense of having fun? "Why don't you guys go out, and I'll stay here and pack?" I threw out hopefully. "Think how much I could get done without you two to distract me!"

Luke immediately adopted a huffy look, and Peyton shook her head. "Nope, sorry, doesn't work that way, best friend of mine," Peyton chided me. "Really, it'll be fun. I need to get out of here, to put this off for one night, and I want both of you with me."

"Wouldn't it be more fun if you two went, oh, I don't know, on a romantic date that didn't include me? Don't you think that would be a better use of your time?"

"Probably," Luke agreed, winking at me, "But we like you, too, and it would be fun if all three of us went out. Who knows when we'll get the chance to do that again?"

Oh, guilt. Lovely. The fastest way to get me to agree to anything, bar jumping off bridges. And that was mostly because I was so terrified of heights, not because the guilt doesn't work. "Okay, fine," I grounded out, glaring at Luke malevolently. I'll get my revenge on him, eventually. "But we aren't staying out late. And if either of you gets drunk, so help me, I will hurt you both!"

"Fine, fine," Peyton sighed, rolling her eyes at me. "We'll be on our best behavior. We can manage that, right, Lukey?"

"No drinking, scout's honor," he pledged, grinning back and forth between the two of us.

"I'd feel better about that promise if you'd actually, oh, you know, been a scout," I teased him, laughing when he did. I didn't want to go out here, but if I had to do it, at least it was with these two.

Starting back up the stairs, Peyton paused just below me. "Well? Come on, let's go get ready. Don't you want to look pretty for Tree Hill?"

Rolling my eyes at Luke, I allowed her to pull me up the rest of the stairs to her room. What the hell was I thinking, agreeing to come back here?


	4. And There is No End

**Chapter Three – **_**And There is No End**_

_Moving away was not, apparently, the same as moving on._

"Wow," Peyton exhaled softly, looking around the crowded club. My reaction was pretty much the same; who would've expected a place like this in Tree Hill? In little, small town America Tree Hill? Not me, at least, and apparently not Peyton.

"No kidding, right?" Luke grinned at our reactions. "I came once, over last winter break. Skillz was in town, too, and he thought we needed to get out." Peyton and I nodded, remembering hearing about that. "Did I tell you I called and invited him while you were getting ready?"

Peyton grinned at that revelation, but I couldn't help letting out a little squeal. Maybe in my haste to forget all things Tree Hill, I blocked out some of the things that shouldn't be forgotten, like childhood friends. People who were always good to me. Skillz was one of those people.

"He's bringing Mouth, too," Luke announced, grinning even wider when I did a goofy little dance to express my joy at that.

"That's so fantastic!" I enthused, laughing and clapping my hands together. "Oh, Mouth and I email once in awhile, but I haven't even heard from Skillz since the time he stayed with you in Austin, Luke!"

Linking arms with me, Peyton nodded. "This is great. This whole thing is great. It's not quite as….well, busy, I guess, as the clubs and bars near campus, but I don't know, I like this. I like this place."

I leaned my head on her shoulder, shaking my head. "You're not allowed to like this place more than you like home, Peyt."

"Home, huh?" Luke parroted, further furrowing his always scrunched up brow. "It's really home to you out there?"

Shifting awkwardly, I shrugged. "Well, yeah. Luke, you know I can't think of Tree Hill as home now. It just…isn't. And if it isn't home, then home is where I'm at, and where I'm at these days is LA."

He nodded, a far away look in his eye. "You, too, Peyt?"

She shot an uncomfortable glance my way, and I shrugged my apology before making my way to the bar. That was definitely a conversation that I wanted no part of. They could work out who lived where and who was happy about it on their own, and I'd gladly give them the space to do just that. As I pushed my way through the crowds, I couldn't believe how many people are here. It was hard to imagine that there are even this many young people in Tree Hill.

I recognized a few of them; no one I really knew, just minor acquaintances. None of them seem to recognize me, though, which was fine. Exchanges of awkward pleasantries with people I knew by face only had never been something I was good at, and there was no need to put that to the test now. But by luck or coincidence or fate, I did spot the two familiar faces that Luke had mentioned earlier. Glad that their backs were to me, I snuck up behind them, throwing an arm over each of their shoulders.

"Hey, boys!"

"No way," Skillz chuckled, turning around and hopping off his stool. "Little Haley? Little tag-along Haley with the skinned knees and ugly sweaters and hats that followed my boy Lucas everywhere for years?"

Sticking my tongue out at him cheerfully, I laughed when he pulled me into a one-armed hug. "Um, the one and only?" Looking at the person standing next to him, I grin. "Hi Mouth!"

"Haley!" he greeted, returning the hug I threw at him. "How are you? How's USC? Luke said you graduated last week, but are staying out there for med school. That's really unusual, to go on to med school at your undergrad. What made you decide to do that?"

His questions were a little overwhelming, but Skillz made a face over his shoulder, breaking my tension. "Oh, well, I just love it there so much, and that's just – gosh, it probably sounds stupid, but it's where my life is. It's nice to be able to continue my schooling there."

They boys exchanged dubious looks, and Skillz eventually shook his head. "Girl, it's a good thing your hair isn't all white-blonde – I'd have thought you'd done gone and turned into a ditzy surfer chick. But the gold look is a'ight on you."

"Sorry, no surfing here," I shrugged with a small smile. "That's a little too close to the danger zone for me, thanks."

"No pain, no gain," Mouth smiled widely. "And anyway, Luke says you're a cheerleader. Isn't that almost the same out there?"

"Was a cheerleader," I corrected him. "Why is Luke talking about me so much? You'd think he didn't have a life of his own or something."

Skillz shooks his head. "You know half his conversations were always about you and that skinny girl of his. He missed you both a lot. I hear he's thinking of heading out your way, too."

My smile widened a bit at that; I couldn't help it. I'd definitely been thinking that's where this would go, but to hear that he was mentioning it to other people was great. That confirmation was nice. "I hope he does. Peyt misses him a lot, and so do I."

Mouth shook his head, almost looking a touch sad. "You know, you all could just move back to Tree Hill. That would be fun, right?"

"Fun like going to the dentist fun?" Skillz asked dryly.

"Nope, fun like going to the lady's doctor for a pelvic exam," I teased, laughing at the expressions that creep across their faces. "Okay, come on, you two. You're both old enough not to be grossed out by that. And Skillz, it helps your relationship if you don't cringe when we say things like that, okay?"

Peyton and Luke were approaching, cutting off any angry retorts my two old friends might have made. Luckily, they looked more amused than anything, and Mouth even put his arm around me in another hug. I watched in amusement as the boys greeted my best friend, teasing her about stealing Luke away from them. She took it well, and it was times like this when it is easy to forget her less happy days. Probably for her, too.

"None of y'all are coming back here, huh?" Skillz commented incredulously. "Not one of y'all are wanting to move back to the hometown?"

Luke shrugged, and I didn't miss the tense glance he shoots Peyton's way. I'd definitely have to follow up on that later. "I wouldn't mind it terribly, but my happiness isn't riding on it," Luke blithely offered.

Peyton and I shared a small, knowing look before she added her two cents into the moving back thing. "A short visit is one thing, but full on living here? Never going to happen again," Peyton stated softly, but there was a steel resolve behind the words that didn't let any of us doubt her sincerity.

"I've got medical school," I reminded them with a grin. It was not like my reasons for not wanting to be in Tree Hill were a secret, but at the same time they weren't really up for discussion, either. Some things were better left to be dealt with on your own. Or at least not in a public place.

"Cop out excuse," Mouth teased. "I've got med school, too. You know we have colleges here, right?"

I shrugged, "If you want to call them that."

"Burn," Skillz laughed, throwing his arm over my shoulder. "Come on, Haley James, come dance with me and show off those cheer skills of yours!"

Rolling my eyes at the others, I let him drag me off to the dance floor, even as I protested his assumption that I had dancing skills. "Honestly, I'm still not a great dancer! I'll probably embarrass you out there, since we all know how great you are!" Not to mention how seriously he took it.

He just grinned, dropping his arm from my shoulder to take my hand in his. "Ah, you'll be fine. After all, who gave you lessons? Um, yeah, that would be me, and in your words, I'm great! So it's all good. Just shake that fine ass around," he teased, deftly ducking when I moved to swat him on the head.

"You're such a pain," I laughed, swiveling in a circle as he danced around me. "But it's really good to see you again, Skillz."

"What was that?" he called, cupping an ear to his head as the music starts thumping louder. "You're going to have to gush over me louder; I can't quite hear as well as I should!"

"Oh, let me just get the microphone so I can actually sing your praises!" I half-yelled back at him.

He laughed, the arm holding mine swinging up as he spun me, and I couldn't help but laugh with him. For all that I did not want to come back here, did not want to see anyone, or associate with my old life, I couldn't help but think this was good. It was good seeing Mouth and Skillz again. Not to mention Lucas and Karen. Maybe in a way, it was right to come back here. Not only for myself, but for my friends, these people who had cared for me and loved me and been there for me when I needed it. It was not farfetched to think that I owed all of them something, even if that was just a trip home and a chance to prove that I hadn't forgotten them or what they mean to me.

When the tempo slows, we make our way off the dance floor, pushing our way through the crowds until we find the tiny table the rest of our group has snagged. There were no available seats, but Peyton pulled me down on her lap, and we all laughed when Mouth patted his and winked up at Skillz.

"You guys are too much," Peyton giggled, leaning her head on my arm. "I'm glad we've got the chance to hang out while we're here."

"Me too," I agreed, clearly shocking Peyton and Luke if the gob smacked looks on their faces were anything to go by. "This hasn't been nearly as bad as I anticipated, and hanging out with all of you almost makes it worth it."

"Almost?" Mouth bristled in mock anger. "How dare you?"

I giggled at that, rolling my eyes. "Okay," I exclaimed dramatically. "It makes it totally, completely, undeniably worth it. Better?"

Mouth and Skillz grinned at me in return. "Yeah, works for me," Mouth nodded, pretending to preen a little. Skillz rolled his eyes, slapping him lightly upside the head. "Ow, what was that for?"

"For being a moron," Skillz sighed, stepping to a nearby table and grabbing a chair. "So, what's the good word? We gonna party tonight, or are we gonna sit here like wallflowers sipping on soda water and Diet Coke?"

"I don't speak for anyone else, but I'm definitely going to party. If I have to pack up my childhood tomorrow, then I'm going to enjoy tonight with tequila and limes," Peyton grinned, jiggling her legs so I bounce on her lap.

"Stop, you'll make me sick," I whined, slapping her on the leg where I could reach.

"No, keep doing it," Skillz grinned, his gaze dropping and resting below my chin before raising back up to my face, "It's good fun." He winked at me. "I'm only kidding; sort of."

I gaped at him as Peyton and Mouth crack up and Luke's face reddened in embarrassment. I swear, he dated Brooke Davis; there was no way his complexion should ruddy like that just because someone pointed out that I have breasts. "Skillz!" I finally choked out dumbly. "I can't believe – "

His laughter interrupted me, and before long, even Luke had joined in. Begrudgingly, of course. Luke shook his head, still snickering a little. "Too much, man. That's Haley you're ogling."

"And what is wrong with ogling Haley?" I sputtered out indignantly. "Are you implying there is something wrong with someone having the desire to ogle me?"

"Yeah, Luke," Peyton growled at him, smirking when he turned to her with his eyebrow cocked. "What are you trying to say about Haley?"

He rolled his eyes, shaking his head. "You know I'm not saying anything bad. It's just that it's Hales, my best bud, my friend, practically my sister. I know you're gorgeous, Hales, but at the same time, I don't really want to think about it, okay? Like it's there, we're all aware of it, now let's just go back to pretending that you are still one of the guys."

Skillz snorted, "That ain't possible, homes. We ain't blind. Well, Mouth is. But I am most definitely not blind, and my eyes are telling me that Haley is hot, and she's got a great rack."

"Hey!" I exclaimed, reaching out to poke him in the ribs just as Mouth reached out and shoved him off his chair.

"Just because I'm blind to women doesn't mean I'm completely blind," Mouth assured Skillz, who just rolled his eyes in disbelief.

"Don't you look at her like that," Luke protested mildly at Skillz, which was a lot better than what happened when one of his friends hit on me last time Peyt and I visited him in Austin. That was just embarrassing.

Peyton snickered, and I can totally envision her winking at Luke right now. "What about me?" she asked Luke before jokingly sliding her hand along the bottom of my rib cage, "Can I wax poetic on my lovely best friend's bountiful assets?"

Knowing she was just trying to rile Luke up, I laughed with the rest of them while Luke shot her a disbelieving look as his eyebrows rose up into that brillo pad he called hair. "Peyton!" he whined. "Why do you have to do that?"

"Because it is oh so amusing, and the look on your face is oh so worth it," she smirked, pushing on me until I stood up. When I did, she moved over to him, throwing her arms around him and kissing him deeply. Maybe I should be having second thoughts about the possibility of him being in LA with us. I did not need to see that all the time.

"God, break it up already," Skillz scowled at them after a few minutes. "Be kind to those of us that are pathetically single right now. It's enough to know all I've got to look forward to is giving myself a hand…having to watch this is cruel and unusual punishment."

"Even I'm going to have to go ahead and agree with that," Mouth chuckled. "Since I'm pretty sure it doesn't have the same effect on me, it's just exceptionally irritating. And a little sloppy."

Luke blushed at the teasing, but Peyton just laughed, smacking Mouth lightly on the arm. If there'd been any doubt of where Peyton was these days, conversations like this should eradicate it. When we were younger, teasing conversations like this would have been taken with guarded amusement by her, but now she was a full-on participant. Hell, she was usually the instigator.

And maybe it was selfish and definitely more than a little vain, but sometimes I thought that I've played a part in that. That I've helped her to come out of her shell, that hard, temperamental shell she used to protect herself from further loss and grief. Considering all that she had done for me and all the ways that she had helped me get passed my grief and pain, maybe it was more that I hope I've done that for her. Reciprocation, and all that. In any case, I think it was safe to assume that we had been good for each other.

"You are all asses," Luke grumbled, glaring at Mouth, Skillz, and I over the top of Peyton's head as we laugh at their display and the resulting discomfort and teasing. "Seriously, all of you are giant asses, which is a shame because if you can't count on your childhood pals, best friends, not to be asses, then who can you?"

"Not your half brothers either," Skillz sighed ruefully, chancing a glance at me that definitely did not go unnoticed, even as I tried to remain unaffected by the topic switch. "I ran into him again yesterday. He's still asking about you, Luke."

Irritatingly enough, all four of them watched me carefully, even though Peyton's face mirrored the surprise that must be etched across my own. It was certainly not like Luke had ever mentioned this to me, and it was pretty clear he hadn't hinted at it to her, either. Nervously, he cleared his throat before wrenching his gaze over to Skillz. "He can ask all he wants; it's not like asking changes anything."

Unfortunately for both of them, when things went south for Nathan and me, they also crashed and burned for him and Luke. In some ways, I was the glue that held them together, and when I left for that tour, there was nothing left holding them together. How things ended between Nathan and I when I returned, and Luke's subsequent pledge of full support to me, didn't help to fix anything either.

Luke always insisted that it wasn't my fault, that things between them would've probably become fractured in some way even if I hadn't left, but it never felt like that to me. Maybe if I'd stayed, things still would've gone to hell between me and Nathan, but they didn't have to be like this between the two brothers. And I hate that I had the same role in tearing them apart that I had in bringing them together.

"What does he want?" Peyton asked cautiously, her concerned eyes lingering on me. "Why is this the first we've heard of it?"

"It's nothing," Luke sighed, glaring at Skillz who shifted uncomfortably. "Don't even worry about it. Believe me, nothing about Nathan these days is worth worrying about. Sounds like he's doing just fine."

"Yeah, after busting his ass to get that way," Skillz muttered under his breath. "Not that anyone wants to hear that."

Raising an eyebrow, I was the one to follow that statement up with a question. "What does that mean, Luke?"

"Nothing," he snapped this time, obviously not wanting to be questioned about this. Peyton and I exchanged glances though, and my curiosity was matched only by hers, so I knew this line of conversation wasn't just going to go away because Luke got a little surly.

"Lucas Eugene Scott," Peyton sighed impatiently, poking him on the shoulder, "Explain. Now, please, or I'll make you so sorry."

"There's nothing to explain," he sighed, still giving the stink-eye to Skillz. "Thanks, bro, for that, by the way."

Skillz just shrugged, not looking the least bit remorseful. "Isn't this how all of y'all's problems always started in the past? Secrets, truths not told just because it's easier that way?" That's directed to me, Luke, and Peyton, and the three of us avoid each other's gazes uncomfortably.

Closing my eyes briefly, I shook my head. "What's going on? This – is it supposed to make some difference if Nathan is trying to get in contact with you? That's – that's not a bad thing."

"It's not that," Luke sighed, glaring at Skillz. "There really isn't a lot to tell, Hales. I haven't talked to him. Saw him once, at the river court. But I left before he could say anything."

"That's…odd," Peyton commented lightly, glancing back and forth between Luke and me, ready to play peacekeeper, apparently. "Didn't realize that you two had any contact."

"We don't," Luke insisted. "We really don't. I don't know why he's been asking my friends about me, and at this point in my life, I don't even care."

Skillz just shrugged at Luke. "Well, that's your thing, I guess. And I know there's a whole lot of history between the two of you, but I don't know. He seems real remorseful, okay? He said he'd learned from his mistakes and was ready to fix all of them. He's had more junk to deal with than any of us could imagine, and he's come out with flying colors, if you ask me. Not that you ever do."

He said that last part while glancing at me, something which no one else caught. If he was trying to imply something, well, I was more than willing to ignore any implications he was attempting to throw my way, thank you very much. When he realized that I'm steadfastly ignoring him, he sighed, turning back to Luke.

"Look, man, even Mouth said he thinks you're being an idiot about this."

"Hey!" Mouth sputtered, spitting out a mouthful of his beer across the table. "Don't you dare bring me into this."

"What the hell is going on?" Peyton wondered, her voice tinged with the same irritation and exasperation I was feeling. "All three of you are being really weird about this. Someone better spill."

Skillz and Luke continued glaring at each other, and finally Mouth groaned, looking between me and Peyton. "There really isn't anything going on. It's just that Nathan has been bugging me and Skillz for a few weeks now about Luke, and Luke doesn't want to hear it or anything else Nathan has to say. Those two are acting like knuckleheads about it, and this is what you get."

I shared a look with Peyton – neither of us was buying it, but the whole conversation was making me uncomfortable enough that I was more than willing to drop. it I just…didn't want to talk about Nathan, in any capacity. That wasn't fair to Luke or even the other guys, but right now, I didn't care. Deciding that we'd all had enough of this conversation, at least here in this crowded club, I pasted a smile on my face and stood up.

"Come on, Skillz, let's dance some more," I grinned, holding my hand out for him. He blinked in surprise before returning my smile and taking my hand, letting me lead him out to the floor.

He watched me warily as we started to dance, and I was sure he wanted to know why I was so willing to let the topic of Nathan drop. But it was loud and crowded out there, definitely not conducive to conversation, and the subject dropped for the time being. I happily took the reprieve, though, and it was easy to laugh when he took my hand and spun me around several times in quick succession. By the time the two songs we danced to ended, I was laughing and it was even easier to pretend that I was completely unaffected by the earlier conversation.

We walked back to the table together, me clutching at his arm and laughing like a maniac as he told me about getting picked up by the police when he participated in a naked run across campus his senior year. I told him about my one single, solitary night of drunken debauchery involving running from the cops (after a midnight tryst on the fifty yard line of the Coliseum with one of the med students who worked as a trainer), grinning as he laughed when I told him about the stadium lights coming on.

"It's not that funny," I pouted, bumping him with my shoulder. "And God, I can't believe I told you that! Ask Peyton, I never tell anyone that story."

"Can't imagine why not," he deadpanned as we approached the table. It took a few seconds for it to seep into my consciousness just how awkward and uncomfortable everyone there looked. And it took another few seconds for me to figure out why.

And it only took one more second before I burst into ironic, slightly hysterical laughter at the sight of my ex-husband.


	5. There Will Be No Easy Way Out

**Chapter Four – **_**There Will Be No Easy Way Out**_

_Sometimes in the end, it can all become new again._

They stared at me. All five of them just stared at me like I had sprouted an extra head. Or like I was an escapee from an insane asylum, more likely. Either way, all eyes were on me, and I didn't like it one bit. It didn't help quell the nervous, manic laughter, and it didn't do anything to bolster my self-confidence, either.

"Okay," I exhaled softly, choking to keep the laughter down. "Well, okay then."

Fan-freaking-tastic. What was he doing here? Why was he sitting there with my friends? Why wasn't anyone kicking his ass out of there? "Well, that dance winded me; I'm going to go to the bar."

Peyton immediately jumped up, and out of the corner of my eye, I could see Luke and Skillz stopping Nathan from following us. "Haley, slow down!" Peyt called as I shoved my way through the crowd in my hurried attempt to get to the alcohol. "What are you doing?"

"What do you think I'm doing?" I asked, giving her 'the look'. "I'm getting drunk. Smashed, hammered, intoxicated, rip-roaring, staggering, falling on my face drunk."

"Uh huh," she nodded, a wry half-smile playing about her lips. "And that's a good idea how?"

"Well, it is certainly a better idea than standing around making small talk with him, like the rest of you are apparently inclined to do," I snapped, smiling in relief when the bartender comes over to us. "Two shots of tequila, two limes."

She glanced sideways at me as she picked up the shot glass that gets set in front of her. Sighing, she held it out slightly. "Cheers," she muttered flatly, knowing that there was nothing cheery about any of this.

"Bottoms up," I countered, tapping my glass lightly against hers before throwing the tequila back. It burned, but that was not a bad thing right now. No, the burning was there and real, and in a way, I needed that feeling.

She sighed again after downing her shot. She'd always been able to handle her liquor better than me, hence her never being busted sans clothing in a public place by the campus branch of the Keystone Kops. "Are you feeling better now?"

I returned her earlier wry smile, shrugging slightly. Laughter was again trying to bubble its way out, but this time, I managed keep it in. "I don't know what I am now. I just…I don't know, I wasn't expecting that. I didn't want that. And I definitely did not need that."

"I know," she agreed immediately. "I know you don't. I'm sorry, Haley. God, I can't even tell you how sorry I am."

"For what?" I blinked, chewing on the edge of the lime. "It's not your fault he's here. It's not your fault that I'm twenty-two, haven't seen him in five years, and still can't deal."

"I dragged you here," she sighed, running her fingers through her messy curls. "Not only to Tree Hill, but here tonight. I wanted to come out tonight, and because I'm so freaking selfish, you had to see him. I'm so sorry."

Somehow, of all things, this elicited a small smile from me before I start laughing again, this time more genuinely. And one hundred percent less panicked. Okay, seventy-five percent, anyway. But it was less, for sure. "Oh, Peyt, it's so not your fault. Fate just hates me, I think. Or Karma. Something like that. Remember Kiki, that crazy girl in the room next to mine freshman year? She told me I had a bad aura. It's manifesting again, I think."

Peyton could only contain her snickering for a minute before she let out a snort of laughter. "Oh, hell, I need another shot. Keep 'em coming, my good man" she told the bartender, who just smiled and pulled the bottle back up from under the counter. "Nice. Okay, so are you okay? My god, I can't believe he's here. When he walked in, I didn't even see him at first, but Luke got all tense and bot-like, so I figured it out pretty quick. Even Mouth, quiet, easy-going Mouth, got nervous and looked like he wanted to bolt. Or jump Nathan."

"Okay, ew," I managed to laugh, picking up the shot glass in front of me and tossing it back. "And secondly, what am I supposed to do? What's the protocol? You know me, Peyt! I need structure for this or – or at least a generalized idea of the acceptable standards for handling such a situation!"

"Well, gee, I'm sorry, I left my 'Divorced for Dummies' copy in California, Hales! I don't know!" she exclaims in exasperation. "What do you want me to say? I'm sorry, sweetheart, but I don't know what you're supposed to do. I guess…just do what feels natural."

Scoffing, I nodded when the bartender offers another shot, sliding a small bowl of lime wedges in between us. "Natural? Running until I hit the beaches of California feels natural right about now, but in these shoes, that isn't an option."

She gave me a sympathetic smile. "We can leave, Hales. Luke wouldn't mind a bit. In fact, considering what he had been saying earlier, I think he'd be in whole-hearted agreement of that plan."

I nodded again, feeling the warmth of the tequila pooling in my belly. It was nice, comforting somehow. It probably shouldn't be, and it was a little embarrassing to realize I had a familiarity with it, but in the moment, it was nice. "I don't want to be a coward, Peyton, and if I ran, isn't that what I'd be? I – he doesn't have that power over me now." Taking a deep breath, I squared my shoulders. Liquid courage – got that in spades. "All the same, I don't know what to say to him."

"'Hi' might be a good place to start," she suggested blithely, her eyes twinkling with the flashing of the strobe light as she picked up her shot glass again. She was a shot or two ahead of me, and considering that it was my ex-husband standing fifty feet across the room, that seemed a little unfair. But, what can you do?

"I'm sure that'll be a great place to start," I giggled, my cheeks heating as the alcohol continues to course through my veins. "Just walk back over there, once I get over the whole coward thing, of course – "

"Of course!" she interrupted to agree.

" – And just say 'hi'! Yes, I see how that is a good plan," I sighed, rolling my eyes even as I laughed with her. "I don't know, I think sneaking out the back door might be the way to go. It's probably only a ten minute walk back to your house. I could do that, don't you think?"

She shook her head. "Not in those shoes. And sorry, but I can't let you do that. See, you, Haley James, have pride. And standards. And running away now would not be doing right by your pride, and it would be seriously below your standards. So no running. We're going to take a few more shots – " She ignored me when I snorted at that idea. "No, we really are going to take a few more shots, and then we're going back over to that table. And you will say 'hi'. And I'll give him the coldest shoulder he's ever got, and you'll have your pride and standards, and I'll have been petty enough to make both of us feel a little bit better."

I had to laugh at that, but I quickly sobered. "Thanks," I told her solemnly, and I really meant it. Not just for the part where she was going to act petty, because I did appreciate it, but for the part where she was not going to let me do something she knew I'd regret. Something I'd make myself sick over after the fact.

"You never have to thank me," she smiled, smirking at me when the shot glasses were filled again. "Good man," she muttered again as the bartender walks off. "Come on, we can both use this." I nodded my agreement, and we again saluted each other before tossing the drinks back. "Oh, it burns in the good way."

"Yeah, okay," I sputtered, my mouth and throat still not numbed to the potency of the liquor. "If this is good, I'd hate your bad."

She grinned wickedly. "Oh, I don't know about that."

I groaned, rolling my eyes. "Okay, enough of that." I sucked in a deep breath of air, trying desperately to compose myself in even the tiniest of ways. "Okay, okay," I muttered, wringing my hands together in a sign of nervousness. "I can do this. I can. Right?"

"Of course you can," she agreed, her tone soothing and gentle, like she was trying to calm a toddler having a temper tantrum. Great. That was how this was going to be.

"Don't do that," I hissed at her, peevish and on edge. "Don't you talk to me like I'm a child, Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer!"

"Then don't act like one," she retorted, poking her tongue out at me, and I knew that she was purposely trying to rile me up. "You're acting more juvenile than Maria right now."

I bristled at her comparison of me to one of Chelsea's friends, Mar. The girl was sweet as pie, but she didn't have a grown up bone in her body. "That was a rude comparison," I growled, turning on slightly unsteady feet. "Damn it, why'd I wear these shoes again?"

"Because they make your legs look sooo fine," Skillz grinned easily as he approached, going so far as to reach down and pat my left calf for emphasis. "Shoot, girls, you smell like a distillery! What've you been doing?"

"What do you think?" Peyton giggled in a decidedly un-Peyton like way. "Are you flirting with Haley? That's so cute."

I rolled my eyes, chancing a glance towards the table where we'd left the boys earlier. The tiny hope I was holding onto that Nathan would be gone was killed immediately when I locked gazes with him across the room. How long we stood there staring at each other, I'd never know. But until Skillz or Peyton – probably Peyton, given the fact that it was none too gentle – gave me a shove to get me going, I couldn't break my gaze away from his. Sucking in a nervous breath, I managed to force my legs to carry me to the table.

And when I got there, he didn't say anything. He stared at me, I stared back at him, and the rest of them stared back and forth between both of us. It was about the most disconcerting moment of my life, and it felt like it wouldn't ever end. Just as I opened my mouth to say something – and no, I was not sure what – he spoke.

"You look good, Hales."

Well, that was unexpected. Nervously tucking an errant strand of hair behind my ear, I nodded. "Thanks, so do you."

He just grinned at me, and somehow, that made it all worse. He was not supposed to…smile. He wasn't supposed to be glad to see me after all this time. He was supposed to feel as awkward and uncomfortable as I did, and he was supposed to squirm and shake and nervously ramble. No fair if it was only one sided.

"And so do I," Peyton cut in, stepping between us and breaking whatever weird spell that was keeping our gazes locked together. "But no one is here to talk about that. Right, Luke?"

"Yes, honey," he parroted, giving me a questioning look. I gave him a slight shake of the head to indicate that I was fine. "Uh, I guess we need a bigger table."

Peyton shook her head, her curls whipping wildly about her face. "Nope, we'll just double up on laps again! I'm sure he is leaving, anyway."

That drew my eyes back to him, and to my surprise and probably the tables' at large, he just watched Peyt impassively. "I've got time to stay and visit."

"Yippee," Peyton muttered sarcastically, not-so-under her breath. "What a treat."

"Peyton," Luke sighed, glancing at her in exasperation before turning to glare at Nathan. I felt so out of the loop here that it was ridiculous.

Mouth stood up, taking initiative. "Look, let's move to that table in the corner. It's big enough for everyone, I should think." When no one moved, he threw his hands up in the air in exasperation. "Look, if you're all going to act like children, fine. But I'm going to go sit down at the big, corner booth."

Clearly not knowing what else to do, Skillz moved to follow. Peyton caught my eye, and we had a silent conversation before she went after them, closely followed by me. When in doubt, stick to the one most likely to be on your side. Nathan followed next, to my confusion, and then Luke tripped along after him.

Awkward, awkward, awkward, awkward. I hated this, loathed it, despised it with the fire of a thousand burning suns. I was so far out of my element that it felt like I was lost and wouldn't be able to find my way home. "So, we should go around the table and catch up or something," Mouth suggested when no one else moved to break the silence. "I mean, I've heard stories here and there, but it'd be great to hear more." He glanced over at Luke with a mischievous look on his face. "'Cept you, pal. You've bored us more than enough as it is, don't need to hear any of your stories again!"

"Well, don't everyone jump in at once," Skillz chuckled ruefully. Luke shoved at his arm, giving him a significant look. "Fine, I guess I'll start. Went to community college on a partial scholarship, ended up at NC State my last two years playing with the big boys."

"And losing every time you went up against the real big boys," Nathan ribbed him, but his tone was surprisingly friendly and genial. He was tight around the mouth as he said it, though, which struck me as odd.

"Whatever," Skillz scowled. "Don't go there with me." Luke looked irritated at the banter, for whatever reason. "Anyway, I got to play, and that's all I cared about. There were fringe benefits, sure – the girls, you know? But I'm a hottie so I'd have gotten them anyway."

Luke rolled his eyes, visibly relaxing a bit. "Man, what a whitewash job that was," he ribbed Skillz. "You could at least cough up a few of your dirtier details."

Mouth grinned. "Or, for sanity's sake, a few of the cleaner ones. C'mon, Skillz, tell them about the semester you spent all your time flirting with the TA in your math class and studying all of your spare time, and you still only got a C!"

"Hey, at least I tried," Skillz shrugged shamelessly. "That's about two grades better than if there'd been no flirting!"

Peyton and I both grinned at that, and Luke just shook his head. Nathan continued to sit there, seemingly paying attention to the conversation, but it was rather obvious that most of his focus was on me. Noticing my discomfort, Peyton tugged on Luke's sleeve. "Flag the waiter down, babe. I could use a drink to wash down those shots."

Luke groaned. "You were doing shots? Oh, hell, Haley was doing shots?"

"She's a big girl now, legal even. Why's that so bad?" Skillz asked, his brow furrowed in confusion. He broke into a smile when he got it. "Ah, she's a lightweight, isn't she?"

"I am not," I denied mildly, wrenching my gaze away from Nathan. "That is so not the case. I'm just not an alcoholic like Miss 'Let's Do Tequila Shots Until We Can't Feel Our Legs' there."

Peyton sighed, reaching out to pat me on the hand. "Well, you're not exactly a heavy drinker, Hales. And we did have quite a few shots." She laughed at my dubious expression. "Okay, fine, you can hold your own now. But a few years ago, I had to drag you home."

I rolled my eyes at her exaggeration, grateful for the slight and definitely temporary distraction from Nathan. "Like you ever did any dragging, chicken legs."

"I wouldn't mind seeing you draped all over Peyton, Hales," Skillz winked, earning laughter from me and Mouth, smacked upside the head from Peyt and Luke, and a deep scowl from Nathan. Nathan, god, he's here. It just keeps hitting me upside the head, even though I know it.

"Anyway," I drawled out, giving Peyton and Luke what Chels always called my 'scary mommy' look until they stopped swatting at Skillz. "What about you, Mr. McFadden? Enlighten us on your glory days."

"Do they really count as glory days when you're struggling to figure out your sexuality and dealing with the fall out of that?" Mouth shrugged, smirking when both Luke and Skillz protest, calling his bluff. "Okay, fine, it wasn't that bad."

Skillz rolled his eyes. "Not that bad? You had a boyfriend before I'd even talked to a single girl," he grumbled. "I'd say that's definitely 'not bad'!"

I leaned forward, grinning at Mouth. "Really? You moved that fast? Good for you, Mouth; always knew you had it in you."

He laughed, his shoulders lifting in a bashful shrug. "I don't know, it really wasn't anything. I just got lucky, really."

"We should all be so lucky," I sighed, batting my eyes at him, laughing when Peyton hooked an arm over my shoulder. "It's great, though, Mouth."

"Which part?" he laughed.

"All of it," Peyt chimes in. "I know a few people who had a rough time of it. Admitting to themselves, their friends, family…I'm not making light or saying you had it easy, but I think since you're so comfortable with yourself, that in a way, it probably made it easier."

He smiled at her, and even Nathan managed to nod his agreement though his eyes remained affixed on me. "Probably," Mouth agreed. "It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be, but that's probably because it just made so much sense when I realized it." He grinned at her. "What about you?"

"Me?" she laughed, reaching out and grabbing Luke's hand. The sweet simplicity of the act had me craving things I didn't even realize I had missed, and I had to swallow painfully as I looked away. "I've been in California living the California girl life. Really, there's not much interesting to my life anyway. School, art, cheer, and Haley, that's how I spent my time."

"She says it like she was my babysitter," I laughed, shaking my head. "Anyway, you're glossing over things. You could tell them about Kelly."

Her mouth dropped open, surprised I'd bring that up. "I – you – Haley!" she exclaimed, pouting. "You were never supposed to mention that creeper again!"

I shrugged, getting a slightly mean enjoyment out of her discomfort. Oh, it was not like she'd hesitate to bring up slightly embarrassing things about me. Then again, I probably shouldn't have been the one to start it tonight. "It's not that big of a deal, Peyt. You can't help it that everyone falls in deep, desperate love with you."

"That wasn't love!" she exclaimed, ignoring Luke as he tried to get her attention. No, all her attention was focused on me, her eyes telling me not to reveal the kicker. She went on, "That was craziness, that's what that was!"

"She was a little whacked," I agreed, smiling sweetly at her as all Hell broke loose around us. Luke's jaw dropped open, and Mouth just shook his head at me, smiling slightly. Skillz appeared to be one thought away from drooling, and Nathan actually did a spit-take with the beer he was drinking. Peyton just glared at me, which was exactly what I expected.

"I cannot believe you," she hissed at me, her finger wagging in my face. "I will get you back so, so good, Haley! Don't think I won't. I know your secrets, and I will so pick a good one to drop at the most inopportune time ever."

I just laughed, leaning back in my seat as Luke finally found his words. "What the hell is this all about? You had some girl stalking you?"

Peyton shot me one last Look before turning to Luke. "She wasn't stalking me, exactly. She just flirted, a lot, and spent a lot of time in the same places I was. Honestly, I don't even know if it was flirting so much as she just really liked me. Or wanted to be me."

Nathan visibly shuddered as he flagged the waitress down. "I think we need another round here," he told her, his gaze sliding back to me. It was beginning to get uncomfortable, the way he was staring at me. I wish he'd either say something to me, whatever it was that he's thinking, or just stop and find something more interesting to look at. At this point, I didn't care, but it needed to stop. After the waitress wrote down our orders, I stood up.

"You know what? I think I'm going to go now. I can get started on packing, and then we'll – "

"You can't leave yet. I mean, you haven't regaled us with your stories of college life yet," Nathan protested quietly, his gaze sharpening in intensity. "No fair leaving without sharing with the rest of the class."

"Not to agree with him," Peyton sighed, brushing a lock of hair out of her eyes. "But you've had too much to drink to drive, and like you already pointed out, those aren't the shoes for walking."

Not looking at Nathan, I gave a tense smile to the rest of them. "I'll call a cab. No big. I know where the key is, so it'll be fine. I guess I'm a bit more tired than I thought I was."

Nathan stood up, too, and for a second I'm afraid Luke would as well. "I thought we could talk tonight, catch up."

"There's nothing to talk about," I sighed as I avoided his gaze. The waitress came back, placing our drinks on the table and staring at us curiously. Not knowing what else to do, I sat back down and picked up my drink. "Well, can't let the drink go to waste."

"Hales, I wanted – "

"Oh, stuff it, Nathan," Luke piped up angrily. "No one asked what you wanted, not that that's ever stopped you. What are you doing here, anyway?"

I closed my eyes, not wanting this to escalate to something it didn't need to be. "Luke, it's fine, just leave it."

Nathan glanced at me, reaching out and touching me lightly on the arm. "Could we talk? Outside and alone for a few minutes?"

Staring at him now, I didn't know what to say. It was not that I hadn't ever thought of this meeting. Maybe there wasn't a conscious assumption that it would happen, but there was enough chance in life (and I had wicked bad luck sometimes) that I couldn't dismiss the possibility of it out of hand, either. And here it was. And he wanted to talk.

"What – there isn't really anything to talk about," I managed to get out without stammering over my words like a nervous fool, which was something more of an accomplishment than it sounds.

He looked at me like I'd lost my mind, but I supposed that was a possibility. Seeing as I was sitting there trying desperately to pretend like it wasn't the most abnormal experience of my life. "I think there's actually a lot we could talk about. I haven't seen you in a long time, Hales."

"And whose choice was that?" I snapped, unable to help myself. God, I wished I could call those words back as he rolled his eyes and the rest of them looked down at the table in what I'm sure was embarrassment for me. "Oh, whatever. You want to talk outside? Fine, go. Let's talk outside. As usual, you can have your way."

"I don't always get my way," he muttered, glaring at Peyton when she looked up and snorted at him in laughter. "Shut up, Sawyer." He looked over at me. "Let's go."

His voice was colder then, and I wondered if I should've held my ground and just refused. At least if he was going to get pissy with me for not going outside, I had Peyton and Luke and the boys there with me. Outside it would just be me, with no one to back me up. Just me and him, like old times.

When we got out there, I didn't say anything. I'm sure he expected me to start, but I didn't know what it was that he wanted to hear, and frankly I was too tired to say the wrong thing now. "How've you been?" he asked after a prolonged pause.

"Oh, um, fine, I guess. You?" Asinine. It was all so completely asinine.

"It varies, how I am. Sometimes things were good, and sometimes they were as bad as you could imagine." What did that mean? "You liked college? I heard you were a cheerleader." I must have made some face, because he rushed on to clarify. "My mother told me. I'm sure she heard all about it from Karen. She likes to brag about you. Almost as much as she does Luke. Probably because you're so much prettier."

Was he flirting with me? Oh, hell, no. How dare he, how dare he make me go out there and act all la-di-da, life was grand, let's be goofy and flirty, and pretend like nothing happened? He did not get to do this, he did not get to act like everything was fine and dandy and it hadn't been five years since we'd even spoken.

"What do you want?" I bit out, colder than I intended, far icier than I really felt. He visibly recoiled, shifting back away from me.

"I just wanted to talk to you, Hales. I – I've missed you. Maybe I didn't have that right, maybe I still don't, but it doesn't change it. I've missed you. A lot."

Staring past him to the wall, I shook my head. "Please don't do that. It's not fair, if you do this, it is not fair, Nathan. I – I have come to terms with things, and you don't get to drag me out here and mess with my head."

He blinked, reaching out to trail a hand down my bare arm. "Why would you think I was doing that? Come on, Hales, a tiny bit of credit would be appreciated."

"No," I stated firmly, standing my ground (by jerking backwards). "No, credit is not mine to give you. I – we don't know each other anymore. I don't know what you've done the last five years, I don't know how school went, or who your friends were, or who you loved. And you don't know that about me, either. Our paths diverged, and there's just a whole lot of emptiness between us now."

What? Where was this coming from? It couldn't be me saying it, could it? I wouldn't be so harsh, I wouldn't be taking this anger out on him, not when I've worked through it, right? RIGHT? Crap, crap, double crap.

He stared at me, reaching a hand out to trace his fingers over my cheek, but I couldn't move back any further because the railing was at my hip. "You don't mean that, Hales. I – I know that I messed up when I cut you out of my life. Don't you think that I know that? Maybe I'm not the smartest guy on the block, but I'm not completely bereft in the brain department, either. I know I made a huge mistake. And I know you don't mean it, at least, not that harsh."

I shrugged, frowning as I glared mutinously over his shoulder at some indeterminate place on the wall. "I don't particularly want to do this, Nathan. It isn't what I came back here for, and it isn't why I'm standing here now."

"Then why did you come back here?" he challenged. "And don't give me that crap about Peyton and moving, because that's bull."

"No, it isn't," I told him softly. And it wasn't. I hadn't had a clue that Nathan was in town, and if I'd known, I probably would've been too much of a coward to get within three states of here. So he was definitely off the mark on that one. "Look, I came back for Peyton, because she needed me. Maybe that's not why I'm standing out here with you," I admitted, "But it is why I came back. I didn't know you were here."

Hurt flashed across his face before a mask of indifference slid over it. "You didn't know? I - well, I figured Luke the Golden Boy would've told you."

I shrugged, ignoring the hurt on his face and the bitterness in his voice. Did he really have the right to be either of those things now? "He didn't. Not until we got here." Taking a deep breath, I made eye contact. "Look, you made it clear how you felt, that you didn't want to be near me. I've respected that, and I've made my peace with it. I'm sorry if that's not good enough for you, but I don't know what else to do. You were the one who ended things, not me."

"I made a mistake!" he exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air in extreme frustration. "I made one huge mistake, and you're going to hold it over my head now, five years later? I was a kid, Haley! I did dumb things, a lot of them! And maybe that was the dumbest of them all!"

I ignored the last part – I had to, for the moment. "Yeah, you made mistakes, and you want a pardon. But my mistakes were never treated that way, never looked at as anything other than completely unforgivable. So don't ask me to just look the other way for yours when I was never, ever extended that same courtesy. Not once!"

He looked at me sadly, and I had to think that there was actually a glimmer of regret in his eyes. "I'm sorry for that, Hales. I am. It – I don't know, I guess it was too easy to ignore that and focus on myself and my pain. I was young, and I didn't know what I'd be giving up."

"Well, it doesn't really matter now, does it?" I sighed, looking away. "What's done is done now, and there's no going back."

"Well, no, but there is going forward, right? That's where we're all going."

I eyed him warily. "I don't know what you're getting at, Nathan."

He cleared his throat, taking a deep breath. "I don't think we're over, Hales. I think that there is more to our story, our song, and I miss you. God, I miss how I was back then, how we were. Life was so much better, and – "

"Where the hell is this coming from?" I burst out, supremely uncomfortable. "Did life not go the way you thought it would, and you want to go back and relive the glory days?" I know I'm not being fair, but I can't help myself. Besides, he isn't being fair either, asking these things of me. "I'm not going to be what you use to fix things for yourself, Nathan."

"What have you heard?" he gritted out between clenched teeth. "Has Luke been talking about me? Damn him, he has no right."

So, I hit a nail on the head, or at least found a sore spot. "I have no idea what you're talking about. Luke and I never talk about you, Nathan. That's just an unspoken agreement we have. So I don't know anything about your life, where you are, what you're doing. But I won't be used. And I won't be played with or toyed with because you're bored, and want to turn back time. There's just no place for that in my life."

"He really hasn't told you anything?" he asked softly, disregarding the rest. Reluctantly, I shook my head, confirming that I knew nothing. "I should be the one to tell you. It's my story to tell. I want to tell you, Haley."

"You don't owe me anything," I said softly, breathing a sigh of relief when Peyton and Luke peeked around the corner. I waved them over. "Well, I guess we're going. Maybe I'll see you later, Nathan." Then again, maybe I won't. "Take care of yourself."

He didn't say anything, just stared at me with something akin to shock in his eyes. H was actually surprised that I was leaving him there, isn't he? God, he has got some nerve. Steeling myself, I glanced back over my shoulder at him as I followed Luke and Peyt down the stairs. To my surprise, he didn't look so shocked anymore; he looked resolved.

And I was not sure what that meant, and I was not sure how I was going to deal with it.


End file.
